The Daily Scroll September 6, 2022
Today we learn some definitions from Ambrose Bierce and The Devil's Dictionary
The Daily Text
The Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce
APOSTATE, n. A leech who, having penetrated the shell of a turtle only to find that the creature has long been dead, deems it expedient to form a new attachment to a fresh turtle.
CHRISTIAN, n. One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.
CLERGYMAN, n. A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of bettering his temporal ones.
FAITH, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.
HEATHEN, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something that he can see and feel. According to Professor Howison, of the California State University, Hebrews are heathens.
HYPOCRITE, n. One who, professing virtues that he does not respect secures the advantage of seeming to be what he despises.
IDIOT, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling. The Idiot's activity is not confined to any special field of thought or action, but "pervades and regulates the whole." He has the last word in everything; his decision is unappealable. He sets the fashions and opinion of taste, dictates the limitations of speech and circumscribes conduct with a dead-line.
IMPIETY, n. Your irreverence toward my deity.
RELIGION, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
Quotes
“Religion is excellent stuff for keeping common people quiet."
Napoleon Bonaparte
Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their readiness to doubt.
—H. L. MENCKEN